SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
