don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
