afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
