Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
