My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
