your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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