There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
