I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
