Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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