I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
