so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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