I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
