: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
