she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
