Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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