If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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