I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
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