Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
