I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Found your dick twin last night
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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