Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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