You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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