nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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