apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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