cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
We left the knife in your bed.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
