i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
