mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i wish my penis had a tongue
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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