she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
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