I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize