yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
