He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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