It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
