I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
