Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
