I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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