I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
