I got chris browned last night
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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