help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
someone owes me an orgasm
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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