I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize