You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
