Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I need a beard to bite.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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