Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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