he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
