alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
