Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
