I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
