Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
