New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
