Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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