you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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