just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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