morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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