im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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