there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
