Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
