I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
