East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just threw up on my dentist
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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