I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
