i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
