so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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