I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
