We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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