So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
