he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize