I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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