apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
