someone threw a dead crab at me
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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