Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
