Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
